By Emily Sorensen
I’ve been running on empty. I’ve actually been running on empty for over a year, maybe closer to two years. It comes and goes, and for the past year I have told myself it was because I had yet to find my “close” friend circle at college. I have many friends on the track team, on my wing, from random classes, and anywhere else you make friends at college. But when it comes to finding my specific friend group with whom to post all my Instagram pictures with and eat every meal with I don’t have a “group.” And for the past year or so, I have told myself that this is why I feel empty. If I could only find a group of people to do things with all the time THEN I wouldn’t feel like this anymore.
What a lie.
The thing about it is, there have been plenty of sermons, devotions, and songs about finding my identity in Christ – not in the things or people around me. And I have heard and read these, but I guess they just flew over my head.
It wasn’t until I was talking to my mom that I verbalized that I haven’t found time made time to read the Bible. And that maybe if I would do that I would find more joy in my days, instead of feeling void. And she echoed my thoughts saying, “It makes a difference. When I catch myself being grumpy, I think about why I am grumpy and it almost always comes down to I have yet to read the Bible that day – so I drop what I am doing and pick up my Bible.” Then we got off topic, but it was enough.
Monday morning my alarm went off, I got ready for the day, picked up my Bible and headed to breakfast. I read about Saul’s conversion in Acts. Approximately one hour later the story was mentioned in my philosophy class. Okay, God, I see You. After starting my morning in the Word, God momentarily interrupted my philosophy class to remind me of Himself.
All I know is that God is faithful. And, although I have neglected Him for the past long time, He hasn’t left me. I wish I could tell you that my life is great since realizing my emptiness was from my lack of effort in my relationship with God and not from lacking “Instagram perfect friendships” but that wouldn’t be the truth. Sometimes it’s even a struggle to even believe this truth. However, I do believe that building my relationship with Him will fill my days with more joy and less loneliness because God is alive and real and wants to be an active part of my life. It is up to me to put Him back on the throne while I sit at His feet instead of vice versa. It’s time for me to start believing the quote from SoulScripts that I wrote on our whiteboard recently, “Life is confusing and hard and lonely sometimes and all I really know is the answer is Jesus.”
Yes, I have felt alone and have been running on empty. But the answer is Jesus.