By Kelsay Parrott
In this world, it is extremely easy to hide personal scars. This is not the case for me. My scars are worn like armor around my body.
I was burned when I was four years old. My body has 45% full-thickness third degree burns. The scars are on my arm, face, back, chest, abdomen, and leg. I could go into detail of surgeries (all 52 of them), the time in the hospital (almost a year total), and everything that has stemmed from being a survivor. This season of difficulty, ironically, is all about the Lord in my life.
We often want the perfect life, no struggles, no pain, and no suffering. However, we know this is not the case. The difference between “the perfect life” and a life with the Lord is seeing the good that comes from the bad. I have endured a lot due to my burn injuries, my struggle and suffering has often led me to question God’s love. “Why would a loving God be so cruel and hurt one of his children?” But after some time, my questions changed their focus to self-hate. “How did I do this to myself? What did I do wrong to deserve this?” This caused me to go down a deep path of depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts and attempts. I was ashamed of who I was, what I did, and everything about my existence upset me. I was so ashamed of myself that I avoided looking in a mirror for an entire year! The person I saw was so terrible that I tried to hide her away. Self-harm became a daily occurrence since the age of nine. I was not living the life God wanted me to live.
Something had to change! I finally said enough is enough! After my one suicide attempt, I realized I am here for a reason. God gave me a purpose for this life. It was time to get help and seek God again! This is the moment I became a seeker in Christ and not just a spectator. I went to counseling, went to church, and began to become a better me. Because I struggled for so many years being a burn survivor and being ashamed of who I was, I had to learn self-love. It took years for me to accept myself and who I was. Self-harm has become less and less as I search for the Lord as my refuge instead of the blade (and I am proud to say I am almost two years clean!). Worship music and the word of God became my refuge from the terrible things people were saying to me. My self-love grew as I grew to understand more fully God’s love for me!
God saved me. He walked along side me every step of this long and hard journey, never leaving my side. He molded me into his image and made me a beautiful young woman! My chains are gone! I am no longer ashamed of who I am and what happened to me! I proudly wear my scars as beauty marks and signs of God’s strength through me!