Ben De Boer
I am a huge fan of movies. Anyone who is somewhat close to me knows about my obsessions over movie series such as The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and so many more. Although some of these movies fit into the same genre, they are vastly different – except in one main area. In each one, the protagonist must overcome a sense of fear to accomplish the task at hand. Frodo Baggins summons the courage to be the ring-bearer at the Council of Elrond, Luke Skywalker decides to travel to Alderaan with Ben Kenobi, and Harry Potter lets Voldemort strike him down for the good of all.
These heroes were able to put their own desires aside to bring about the good of many – oftentimes saving the world as they knew it! If they can summon courage in the face of these odds, why do I struggle to live fearlessly?
Throughout my four years in high school, fear drove my actions. A voice in my head told me that I wasn’t good enough, or something needed to change. This fear grew in me until it reached a breaking point. At this moment in time, fear took over and I decided to change who I was. In order to fit in with the crowd, I began to talk constantly about sports, make crude jokes, and converse about other things that I honestly had no care in the world for. I placed a mask over my true self to conform to the people that seemed to be in a better place than me.
If asked to describe Benjamin De Boer in one word, most of my high school classmates would likely say the same word: athlete. Being an athlete and talking about sports was the easy thing to do – so I did it, and I succeeded in fooling many people. Deep down, I knew the truth of who I was, but I kept that side of me away from as many people as I could. As far as I could tell reading books, learning history, and acting were by far the best parts of high school – all things that would’ve placed me in a category that I mistakenly assumed to be a lower social tier.
Something snapped in me, however. I realized that I had lived in fear for way too long, and decided to let my real passions show in my daily life. College was a time for me to start over and show people who I really was. Although I’m only a single semester into my college career, I’ve made more friends in the past few months than I did in four full years of high school. My friends at Northwestern don’t care when I sing along to Disney’s Moana, they come support me as I attempt to act on stage, they appreciate my love of history, and greater than all of this, they help me grow in my faith. Growing closer to Christ is a hard thing to do when you fail to acknowledge who he made you to be.
For the first time in years, I believe that God is smiling at who I’ve become – a man who doesn’t live solely for the approval of others. I might have different hobbies, strange habits, and an eccentric personality, but these things are what makes me who I am and are not to be hidden. What I’ve learned is that no matter what, someone is going to accept you for who you truly are. It might be a sole individual, a significant other, or even a large group of people, but they’re definitely out there. All that I needed was patience and trust in God’s great plan.
I wasted multiple years of my life putting on a false front for the sake of others, a mistake that I aim to never make again. From now on, I plan to let people know the true Benjamin De Boer, all quirks included. In doing this, I know that I can better live into God’s great and perfect will for my life.
1 Peter 5:7