By Joey Lohse
Growing up, I discovered that I was someone who loved to discover the unknown in life. I always wanted to question everything and find a clear black or white answer. Going to a secular secondary education system allowed me to have a sense of freedom to question my religious beliefs and to overlook the importance of what scripture said about my life. So, I lived into the unknown and I learned how to become a good listener as well as an expert at playing devil’s advocate.
Eventually, I became restless in the unknown. Doubt began to consume my mind as the unknown opened fears and confusion into my daily life. As I listened and pondered over the topics that would come up in class, Ngage, Ned Talks, or even in conversation in the dorms, I began to feel an overwhelming feeling that I didn’t know enough. The anxiety of not measuring up to the people around me intimidated me. This space of unknown that I used to love now daunted me. Being a science major, I tended to search for those black and white answers, but to my dismay, answers about Christianity aren’t always A or B.
I began to investigate some topics that were most interesting to me. An example of one topic that is still highly debated today is about the conflicting stories of science and the Scripture. I engaged in discussions with my professors and fellow students inside and outside of class about this topic as well as roam YouTube to find other view points and their explanations. I put in lots of time and effort hoping to beat this fear of not knowing enough. I did learn a couple things but not what you might expect. I learned that there will always be another unknown. God does incredible things in the unknowns in our lives. In my uncertainties, I am humbled as God is the all-knowing mighty One. I may question and fear the small details that I want to get right, but I am humbled and drawn to the cross.
Through all the searching, I have experienced the crucifixion in a new light. God has begun to teach me more about His will and what it means in my life. I will still have anxiety and worry about if I’ll measure up or be good enough in academics or my relationships, but none of that changes God’s love. Too often I was searching for the right answers and trying so hard to do the right thing. The truth is, I haven’t uncovered a new vast knowledge, but I have definitely found new unknowns I didn’t know existed. Through it all, it’s been the test of my trust in God that has led me to a more rooted faith. A verse that God has put on my heart is James 1:2 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.”. I think this verse can apply to so many different scenarios in our lives. For me, it has been incredibly humbling to know that God is a God of love and mystery. I am not to try and control him with my understanding, but I’m called to steward what’s known and unknown to me with continued trust.