It was one of my final Sunday nights at camp, a night full of God, worship, and friends. I was beginning to have an anxiety attack, so I decided to go outside. It took me a little while to settle down, but as I started calming down, I decided to go inside and begin worshipping with my fellow counselors and staff members.
As we were worshipping, I noticed the lyrics to our camp song of the summer, “Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong Worship. I sat down in the back and just listened. My whole body was still shaking as I listened to this song, but two verses got me. They were,
“Who the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed
I’m a child of God
Yes I am
In my Father’s house
There’s a place for me
I’m a child of God
Yes I am.”
These specific verses caught my attention and I began to depict them in my head. I thought about what they meant, about being set free because of Jesus. I began to stop shaking when I thought about there being a place for me in “my Father’s house”. This was the root of my anxiety that day. I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere and when I truly realized that I did belong somewhere I started to cry. Everyone else was still worshipping and I just sat there and cried a good long cry because a lot of feelings were being released.
My anxiety still existed after this moment, but God was able to calm me down better and I felt an overwhelming sense of peace sweep over me in an incredible way. My breath slowed down to an easy pace, my heart beat returned to normal and my thoughts became still. All I felt in that moment was peace. It’s a freeing experience to know that I am loved and accepted by God and to know that Jesus died on the cross to save me from my sins.
This is when I realized I wanted to accept God’s love and acceptance and fully embrace it instead of running from it. If I never truly believe in God’s love for me, I will never be free. I will never be able to fully pour into others either if I don’t receive His love first.
I was glad to have slowed down enough to truly listen to the truths in the song “Who You Say I Am”. The truths of Him being there to accept me into His house and know that I am His child. The truth of knowing that I am free through Christ alone.
I know that I’ve grown in my ability to pour into others in the same way I’ve been poured into. I know that I’m always loved by God and will always be welcomed into his house. Most importantly, I learned that His love is something I don’t want to live without again.