By Becca Jackson
When was the last time it felt like being “all-in” for God was truly being lived out? Maybe it was a time when you didn’t care how many people were staring at you while you were worshipping Him freely, a time where you spoke the truth of His word without worrying about what your friend was going to say, or maybe it was even a time where you didn’t worry about if you were “qualified” for what you were about to say or do in the Kingdom. As a college student, even at Northwestern, I find myself constantly battling my inner self over what I want to do to worship and glorify God versus what society has deemed “normal.”
It was about 6 months ago when I realized that I was unhappy with my life. I felt constricted because even though I felt Jesus’ presence and felt his movement in my life during that time I felt like I wasn’t doing enough, but I also struggled with my image and if I was portraying myself correctly. I started to take a deep look at my life and realized I was hiding my faith in a lot of ways and masking almost all my spiritual battles–the exact opposite of what we are called to do as Christians. Talk about a hard pill to swallow. I still decided not to reach out to anybody but decided this was a private situation for me and God to work through.
I started reading through many different chapters of the Bible about living out our faith, but what really caught me was a sermon I heard by Michael Todd. It’s entitled, “Worship Starts with Love” in his 24Ever, 7-part sermon series. There were so many good parts, but one thing that rocked the deepest part of my soul was when he said, “Our worship is the only gift we can give God.” and then continued to say, “So many people rob God every day of the only thing you could ever give Him.” The conviction kept coming when he said, “The one thing that we can do for Him we won’t, because we think somebody might look at us funny.” I can’t compare the feeling of this conviction to anything earthly, all I can do is try to process what those words mean to me.
After hearing that I began to change and although it wasn’t instantaneous, I’ve made a lot of progress. I’m letting myself worship more freely than I ever have before and I feel closer to God. However, I’m not perfect and there are certainly still times I hold back, but CenterPoint this past Sunday was not one of those times, especially when we got to the last song. Whenever I sing “Holy, Holy, Holy” I can’t stand on my feet because that’s our eternal song of praise to God. I will not be worthy enough to stand before Him in heaven, I will kneel before my Heavenly Father in a state of eternal praise. May I continue offering my one and only gift to Him every day.