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By Lexi Weaver

Something has plagued me since my teenage years – the mirror. For as long as I can remember, the mirror tried to morph me and convince me of all sorts of things about myself – that I’m overweight, not good enough, etc., etc. These were the thoughts that haunted me daily, and sometimes still do.

I remember sitting down in a young adult group this summer, and being called out by God to SAY SOMETHING. I needed to say I was struggling, say I couldn’t keep it together, say I never felt good enough. So as the group drew to an awkward silence I spoke, I cried, I pleaded.

I pleaded that somebody would save me from myself. I told these girls every struggle that was eating me to my core. I told them how when I looked in the mirror, I hated what I saw. I prayed that they would understand. Deep down, I knew my thoughts about myself were unreasonable and from Satan. In this moment of confession, it didn’t seem to matter what my fellow sisters in Christ would say to me, they could tell me I was thin and they could even lead me to scripture about how I was made in the image of God. But what I do know is that for the first time in my life, I laid the ugly at God’s feet. I laid it all down in hopes I would feel different. I cried out that this weight would be lifted.

See, that is the cool thing about God. He asks us to lay the good, the bad, and the ugly at his feet. He wants an intimate relationship with us. As I show God more and more of me, I feel closer and more connected to my Father, my Abba, my Daddy. He knows the hairs on my head. He knows the thoughts of inadequacy that plague me. But, He calls me His. When I dive deeper into knowing more of Him, He shows me what is in me that is FROM Him.

I could lie to you and say I have this all figured out. But I do not, and it is more powerful to be honest with my family in Christ than to live a lie of perfection. I still struggle to see myself as God does. It is a day by day fight between me and the devil of inadequacy. But because of God’s grace and understanding, I am loved as I am but called higher to give it up to Him. When I struggle, I am reminded to lay at his feet. He will wash me clean. God has already sent His son to remind me I am His. As the prayers go up, the blessings pour down. We’re all human, looking to be loved, already loved by a perfect Father who makes us whole. At the end of the day it is about knowing that I am loved by an omniscient Father that helps me realize I am already beautifully crafted by Him. He speaks Proverbs 31 over me, ” Lexi is Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future. Lexi conducts her conversations with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is ever her concern.”

Charm can be deceptive and physical beauty will not last, but a woman who reveres the Eternal should be praised above all others..

Psalms 31:30

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Ben De Boer

I am a huge fan of movies. Anyone who is somewhat close to me knows about my obsessions over movie series such as The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and so many more. Although some of these movies fit into the same genre, they are vastly different – except in one main area. In each one, the protagonist must overcome a sense of fear to accomplish the task at hand. Frodo Baggins summons the courage to be the ring-bearer at the Council of Elrond, Luke Skywalker decides to travel to Alderaan with Ben Kenobi, and Harry Potter lets Voldemort strike him down for the good of all.

These heroes were able to put their own desires aside to bring about the good of many – oftentimes saving the world as they knew it! If they can summon courage in the face of these odds, why do I struggle to live fearlessly?

Throughout my four years in high school, fear drove my actions. A voice in my head told me that I wasn’t good enough, or something needed to change. This fear grew in me until it reached a breaking point. At this moment in time, fear took over and I decided to change who I was. In order to fit in with the crowd, I began to talk constantly about sports, make crude jokes, and converse about other things that I honestly had no care in the world for. I placed a mask over my true self to conform to the people that seemed to be in a better place than me.

If asked to describe Benjamin De Boer in one word, most of my high school classmates would likely say the same word: athlete. Being an athlete and talking about sports was the easy thing to do – so I did it, and I succeeded in fooling many people. Deep down, I knew the truth of who I was, but I kept that side of me away from as many people as I could. As far as I could tell reading books, learning history, and acting were by far the best parts of high school – all things that would’ve placed me in a category that I mistakenly assumed to be a lower social tier.

Something snapped in me, however. I realized that I had lived in fear for way too long, and decided to let my real passions show in my daily life. College was a time for me to start over and show people who I really was. Although I’m only a single semester into my college career, I’ve made more friends in the past few months than I did in four full years of high school. My friends at Northwestern don’t care when I sing along to Disney’s Moana, they come support me as I attempt to act on stage, they appreciate my love of history, and greater than all of this, they help me grow in my faith. Growing closer to Christ is a hard thing to do when you fail to acknowledge who he made you to be.

For the first time in years, I believe that God is smiling at who I’ve become – a man who doesn’t live solely for the approval of others. I might have different hobbies, strange habits, and an eccentric personality, but these things are what makes me who I am and are not to be hidden. What I’ve learned is that no matter what, someone is going to accept you for who you truly are. It might be a sole individual, a significant other, or even a large group of people, but they’re definitely out there. All that I needed was patience and trust in God’s great plan.

I wasted multiple years of my life putting on a false front for the sake of others, a mistake that I aim to never make again. From now on, I plan to let people know the true Benjamin De Boer, all quirks included. In doing this, I know that I can better live into God’s great and perfect will for my life.

1 Peter 5:7

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Faith Anderson

I have grown up in the same church, which was also my school, from the time I was born until I left for college. Everyone at that church knows everything about me. Due to this, I felt as if I always had to prove the fact that I trust God and that I understand everything happens for a reason whether I believed it to be true or not. I felt like this because I was under the impression that people would look at me differently if I even “questioned” God for a second. I was afraid that my reputation of being a Christ-like girl would be lost.

These feelings began more prominent when my father was diagnosed with cancer. At first, everything seemed fine with him. The doctors told our family that they had everything under control.

Fast-forward four years. I got a call to come to the principal’s office. My dad had been in and out of the hospital throughout the past couple months, but I always assured myself that there is no way anything could ever happen to him.

Well, I walked into the office to see my mom crying. Little did I know that it was because my dad was in the ICU fighting for his life. My mom asked me to sit down and informed me that my dad was given anywhere from 24-48 hours to live. After a long night, my father lost his fight to cancer.

I began to wonder why. Why would this happen to me? Everyone I came in contact with would say things like “everything happens for a reason,” “God is in control,” and “stay strong.” I interpreted what they said as, even though I lost the person who meant the most to me, I had to make sure I trusted God. However, trusting God and believing He is in control is easier said than done.

I thought I wasn’t allowed to be upset that my dad was gone so I told everyone that I was doing great. I didn’t think I was allowed cry. I would put Bible verses up on Facebook to let everyone see that I was still the same Godly girl they knew. In reality, I was ashamed because I was wrestling with why God would let this happen. God knows we cannot go through things on our own. We do not have to “stay strong” because God wants to be our strength. God desires to be our rock and our comfort. Asking Him questions does not mean you do not believe in Him, it just means you actually have a real relationship with Him. The pain we feel, demands to be felt. God wants to meet us right where we are at, not where we think we should be.

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By Colin Jorde

I am a freshman on campus and in these past few months God has really challenged me to work on the issue of pride in my life. These verses from Jeremiah 9 sum up this challenge for me. It says from verses 23 and 24:

“Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom

or the strong man boast of his strength

or the rich man boast of his riches,

but let him who boasts boast about this:

that he understands and knows me,

that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,

justice and righteousness on earth,

for in these I delight.”

These words struck me pretty hard. I realized that I had the wrong intentions and loyalties in my life. While living for the glory of God was a piece of my life, it was not the focus of my life. I was much more concerned with receiving recognition from my peers and looking good in front of people. Rather than giving God that attention, I soaked it up for myself.

Coming out of high school, I thought I had it all together. Life was good. I had graduated from my small school with success in academics and athletics. I had a good friend group, a supportive family, and a solid church. With a college and a major already picked out, I was confident and ready to jump into this new chapter of life. In my head, I was thinking that I could really handle this “doing life” thing. I would just need to follow my future plans, study hard in college, and make a few friends. I’d be set, and if I gave a little bit of the credit to God, then I’d really be doing good.

However, those thoughts of self-righteousness were interrupted this fall. As I settled into NWC, I found I was no longer the best. Everyone at Northwestern seemed to be better than me in some way and I no longer appeared as the ‘best kid’ in any of my activities. On a good day I was feeling pretty average. That’s when the realization started to click for me. I was living my Christian life with a confused mindset. I was working only for my own personal gain. I may have said that God had done this or that thing in my life, but in reality, I was working to gain recognition and acceptance from people around me. I was living selfishly for my own glory. I finally realized that it is impossible to live for God and live for myself.

Basically, I have learned two main things from the verses in Jeremiah that have changed my mindset for living. The first one is to live humbly as Philippians 2 says to live as Christ and look not only to my own interests but to the interests of others. And secondly, if I will take pride or boast in anything, I will boast of my God. I’ve found that these two reminders for life are not easy to keep in mind. I am often distracted by my pride and shortcomings, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, it is possible to keep my motives in check and my mind in line with Christ. Living humbly is a moment by moment choice, yet it is so fulfilling when I choose to live for God’s glory and not my own. 

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By Kelsay Parrott

In this world, it is extremely easy to hide personal scars. This is not the case for me. My scars are worn like armor around my body.

I was burned when I was four years old. My body has 45% full-thickness third degree burns. The scars are on my arm, face, back, chest, abdomen, and leg. I could go into detail of surgeries (all 52 of them), the time in the hospital (almost a year total), and everything that has stemmed from being a survivor. This season of difficulty, ironically, is all about the Lord in my life.

We often want the perfect life, no struggles, no pain, and no suffering. However, we know this is not the case. The difference between “the perfect life” and a life with the Lord is seeing the good that comes from the bad. I have endured a lot due to my burn injuries, my struggle and suffering has often led me to question God’s love. “Why would a loving God be so cruel and hurt one of his children?” But after some time, my questions changed their focus to self-hate. “How did I do this to myself? What did I do wrong to deserve this?” This caused me to go down a deep path of depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts and attempts. I was ashamed of who I was, what I did, and everything about my existence upset me. I was so ashamed of myself that I avoided looking in a mirror for an entire year! The person I saw was so terrible that I tried to hide her away. Self-harm became a daily occurrence since the age of nine. I was not living the life God wanted me to live.

Something had to change! I finally said enough is enough! After my one suicide attempt, I realized I am here for a reason. God gave me a purpose for this life. It was time to get help and seek God again! This is the moment I became a seeker in Christ and not just a spectator. I went to counseling, went to church, and began to become a better me. Because I struggled for so many years being a burn survivor and being ashamed of who I was, I had to learn self-love. It took years for me to accept myself and who I was. Self-harm has become less and less as I search for the Lord as my refuge instead of the blade (and I am proud to say I am almost two years clean!). Worship music and the word of God became my refuge from the terrible things people were saying to me. My self-love grew as I grew to understand more fully God’s love for me!

God saved me. He walked along side me every step of this long and hard journey, never leaving my side. He molded me into his image and made me a beautiful young woman! My chains are gone! I am no longer ashamed of who I am and what happened to me! I proudly wear my scars as beauty marks and signs of God’s strength through me!